aaina reads

So, was my title obvious enough? Or does one needs to have the IQ only befitting for Holmes to be able to read past the lines? Har hardy har. I'm back at the bloody airport, bloody looping the same bloody song, bloody berating myself for being a useless sack of shit. As always. It's amazing how much I can screw up before I hit the proverbial shitty ending, and then scramble around trying to fix things that I deliberately screw around with. Yep, you got that right. Do a shitty job on purpose and then go mad trying to make things right at the eleventh hour. Stupid right? Well. Humankind needs stupidity. They don't learn otherwise. I see faces that bear resemblance to no one, tamp out the noises that doesn't register, and ignore the ricocheting scraping of the whirling fan. It's bloody annoying. I'm bloody annoyed at everything. I'm at a place I have learnt to hate, doing something that does wonders to my self esteem, self worth, and keep on list

I decided to do a daily-slash-weekly-slash-whenever-I-can picture and blog thing. It’s not much, but it’s in the hopes that I can clear my mind and find little things to take note, and to be thankful, and to smile of. Granted, negative old Debbie Downer me will always find something to grumble of, and I’m sad that I keep on watering that little trait of mine. But… it’s something to fix! I scroll past my Instagram and notice that a lot of my posts happen to feature As’ad quite often, lol. No wonder, kid’s my favourite person ever, despite his cheekiness. His cheek makes his Ummi quite stressed, woops. The last one week has been such a crazy roller coaster ride. Lots of crying; in public or alone. With other people, or alone. On the phone, while lying down, while eating even. Lots of thoughts regarding work. To quit? To continue? To persevere and end up regretting it? Mom demands that I think far. What sort of a person I want to be in 5-10 years’ time? What career do

salam alaykum 2015, the most boring beginning, imo. but it has to be done, ha! today was heck of a roller-coaster ride. oh, the usual servings; complete solitude, complete mindblowing day full of nothings. up and down we go, with the late and paltry lunch at 4pm (which could be attributed to my ugly moods argh), before we totally crash and burn during dinner. [during dinner prep] mom: do people still call you daniaa me: uh. yea. they get confused when i tell them to call me aaina. heck, i get confused myself. [...] but the kids from here call me aaina (gulp) mom: what does daniaa even mean though me: uh, i don't remember what, but it has an islamic meaning (gulp second time) mom: how did it even happen me: uh back then remember i love dan, and i just add the dan to the aaina flipped backwards and uh yeah that's how bro: LIKE YOUR KPOP OPPARS me: (angry glare) and then the real shocker [during dinner] mom: how long have you been home me: uh (finge