noted; new name, new outlook

I decided to do a daily-slash-weekly-slash-whenever-I-can picture and blog thing. It’s not much, but it’s in the hopes that I can clear my mind and find little things to take note, and to be thankful, and to smile of. Granted, negative old Debbie Downer me will always find something to grumble of, and I’m sad that I keep on watering that little trait of mine. But… it’s something to fix!

I scroll past my Instagram and notice that a lot of my posts happen to feature As’ad quite often, lol. No wonder, kid’s my favourite person ever, despite his cheekiness. His cheek makes his Ummi quite stressed, woops.

The last one week has been such a crazy roller coaster ride. Lots of crying; in public or alone. With other people, or alone. On the phone, while lying down, while eating even. Lots of thoughts regarding work. To quit? To continue? To persevere and end up regretting it?

Mom demands that I think far. What sort of a person I want to be in 5-10 years’ time? What career do I see myself holding then?

To be fair, I’ve been in the medical field for so long that my mind draws a complete blank if I imagine a future out of it. Le brother says to venture into something that’ll let me read and apply my love for English. But so far my paltry search on the internet reveals that Masters in English or Literature is a very weak field to go into, unless I already have a stable income. Lulz.

On the other hand, I can imagine myself staying in this blasted field. I know. Some sort of amazing brainwashing I’ve gotten into, I’d say. I’ll admit that 99% of people around me are adamant that I continue on, at least until I’d gotten my full registration, but I’ll confess that I don’t do well unless I do it on my own conviction. And somehow in the end I’ll scrape through. I always do.

Therefore… this is a very confusing scatterbrained post for me, some sort of a verbal/black-and-white proof for me to say that I’d decided to tough it out. I’ll definitely get whacked all sorts of crazy over the journey, mark my words, but for now, I’m thinking I should try. And if it doesn’t work.. then well, it doesn’t work. At least I’ll know then that it’s not for me.

So.. things to do:

1.       Go to work tomorrow.

2.       Take a picture, one that makes me smile.

3.       Find furniture this weekend.

4.       Go out more.

5.       Try to not get too affected when people ask me stupid questions; ones along the lines of “Why are you back in the department?”

6.       In regards to #5, smile and deflect as graciously as I can.

Maybe I'll daydream about travelling again.